4 Steps in Telling Your Parents You Can Now Longer Care for Them

How to Tell Your Parents You Can Now Longer Care for Them

As children, your parents always seemed indestructible. They were wiser, stronger, and more experienced than you. However, you’ve reached a time and age where you realize that one or both your parents are getting older and frail. And as our parents age, a difficult journey begins. Things they used to do themselves have now become difficult and you need to be around more to help out.

In fact, many older people eventually need help, especially if they are in their 80s, 90s, or even more. And regardless of your particular circumstances, being a caregiver is a difficult role that many people are not trained to undertake.

Unfortunately, being a long-term caregiver is challenging and the emotional impact might snowball over time. If the stress is left unchecked, many caregivers might develop a sense of guilt and resentment toward the elderly parents. This might take a huge toll on your mental health, relationships, and even work. But how do you tell your wonderful parents that you cannot take care of them anymore?

Below is an easier process for helping your parents move out into assisted living.

1. Believe it is the Right Decision

In most cases, caregivers looking after their elderly and sick parents are often overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and shame. It might be hard letting go of someone who took care of you for the better part of their lives, but you need to understand it is the best option for both parties involved.

Maybe your loved one needs extra medical attention which you are not trained to do, or maybe they need extra attention, which you might not always provide due to your long hours at work. Whichever the case, transitioning to an assisted living facility might be the most caring thing you can do.

2. Communicate Your Thoughts Effectively

Good communication can reduce frustration. How? With effective communication, you can express yourself while helping other people to understand your frustrations and limits. When you communicate assertively, you can express your desires and needs while respecting the ideas of other parties such as your parents, relatives, or even siblings.

If you have a parent coping with dementia or extreme old age, it is best to be straightforward. Sometimes, less information is more, and while you might not be able to meet all of your parent’s needs, you must put them into consideration.

3. Avoid Power Struggles

When deciding to move your parents into assisted living, you are likely to expect pushback. It might come from your siblings, relatives, or even the parents themselves. The discussions might sometimes get heated, but rather than argue, you should express to the parties concerned that you are at your limit, and you have done the best you can.

If someone offers to help, you can transfer the caregiving responsibilities to them for your well-being. In some families, a neutral third party with clinical training is often the ideal option to help neutralize the discussion. However, if none of these options are available, it might be right to find another solution.

4. Find Living Arrangements and Housing Options

Moving your parents into an assisted living facility is certainly a solution. However, when deciding where a parent should stay you need to discuss with other family members and your parents as well. The best part of assisted living facilities is that many residential communities are operated and owned by faith-based or other organizations which your parent might feel an interest in.

Before making the decision, you can ask your parents if they know any friends who have been moved to such institutions and if they would want the same communities. You can even set out a day with them for going around facilities before making a decision. This way, they are more comfortable with the transitioning process.

Where to Go Next

After discussing your need for a caregiving change, you might conclude that your aging parents need more help, both emotional, physical, and medical than you or your siblings or relatives can provide.

If this is the case, there are many facilities meant for this particular reason. At Golden Pond Retirement Community, we are proud to be the first full-service retirement community with Independent Living, Memory Care, and Assisted Living in Golden, Colorado.

Whatever your caregiving needs, you can trust us to deliver.

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